Why Did You Have To Leave Me?
by Penelope Louise
Summary: Ziva's letter to Tony. Tony has been killed by one of Ziva's old enemies. What will the tough Mossad assassin say in her letter?
1. A Letter

_**A/N: This is a short little one shot that I just had sudden inspiration for. I was testing out my HTML skills in Notepad, wondering what to format. I decided to write a little Tiva one shot. I have never written a one shot before, so, here goes…**_

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Dear Tony...**_

I don't know how to say this... I don't even know if I can...

Well, I will try.

We have known each other for a long time. We have worked together, partners. I guess that doing that does create some sort of bond...

We have been on many missions together, including one very 'memorable' one where we posed as Jean Paul and Sophie Ranier.

It is when you have to work that... close... with someone that you realize some things.

I remember when, three months ago, my apartment was flooded. I had nowhere to live for a while, and so I stayed at work. You came back in to collect something, and found me asleep at my desk. The "**Israeli Ninja Chick**," sleeping at work.

You asked me why, and I made up an excuse that I had just fallen asleep, but you didn't fall for it. Ziva David? Falling asleep at work? Yes, right. That happens a lot.

You eventually coaxed the truth out of me, and offered for me to stay with you. I agreed, trying to be reluctant, when really, I had been waiting for you to ask.

It was only when we got to your apartment that we both realized something. I had no clothes, as we hadn't stopped at my apartment. And your apartment only had one bedroom.

You had no issues with sleeping with me, but I said that I didn't want to. In reality, I wished that the night could be like a real experience of our undercover mission.

You offered to sleep on the couch, which surprised me. I told you that I would sleep there, that it was your house, but you wouldn't take no for an answer.

You offered me some clothes to borrow for the night, as well. I was surprised at just how neat your bedroom was, also.

I was almost asleep when I heard you enter the room. I pretended to be sleeping, and you approached the bed. I wasn't sure what you were going to do, but what you did do surprised me the most.

You leaned over me, and kissed my forehead. You said, _"I love you, Ziva. Even though you will never realize how much, I do."_ You turned to walk away, but I grabbed your wrist and pulled you back. I remember your reaction...

_"Shit, you heard that?"_ I remember laughing at that, and telling you that I certainly did. I pulled you down next to me, and that night, we slept together.

The next day we went to work as usual, pretending that nothing had happened.

I stayed at your apartment for two months, until they had cleared up the mess made of my apartment block. I was sad to leave, and I guess you were too.

And now, one month later, you are gone.

Gone.

The man who did this to you, I knew him. I knew him from school, although only Gibbs knows this. I do not want Abby and McGee knowing that I, inadvertently or not, caused your death.

I killed his brother two years ago, in a shoot out that killed one of my other partners. And now you are gone too.

I only found out yesterday, that you aren't gone completely.

A piece of you will stay with me.

Six months to go.

I wish you could be here to see your baby... If it is a boy, it shall be called "Anthony" after his father, who served his country, and died for the woman he loved. If a girl, "Antonia Talia" after the two people who have ever mattered most to me.

And now, both of you are gone.

I miss you...

Why did you have to leave me?

_**Ziva.**_

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So, what did you think? Any good? I know it is very short, but I don't think Ziva would write thousand word letters. She just doesn't strike me as the type.**_

_**Please review, and say what you think.**_

_**And, please, no bashing because I killed Tony!  
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	2. A Year Later,,, A Letter

_**A/N: Thanks for all your reviews for the last chapter! Someone suggested writing more, so I did! I am going to add another chapter after this, and then you can tell me if you think I should carry on?**_

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Dear Tony,**

You have been gone for a year now.

A new person has come in your place at work.

His name is Declan O'Connell. He is a liaison office from the ISS: Irish Secret Service. He cannot tell us anything about the ISS, and we do not know much about him either.

There is not as much joking anymore. O'Connell is not the type of person to joke around; he is more the serious type.

I suppose I should get onto the main subject…

Antonia Talia David-DiNozzo.

That is her name.

She is six months old now.

She has my eyes, and your smile, or so Gibbs says.

Jenny and Gibbs have been a great help in the last six months, and Abby and McGee also. When Toni was christened, Abby and Jenny were her Godmothers and McGee and Gibbs her Godfathers.

Abby has already tried to buy a cot that looks like a coffin for Toni, but McGee managed to stop her buying it.

McGee and Abby often take what they call 'shifts.' They come and stay with me, to give me a break from having to wake up when Toni cries. They are a great help to me, and I wouldn't have been able to do it without them.

Wherever you are now, whether your heaven, or my Olam Haba, I hope that it is a nicer place than this cruel world.

At first I only wished to join you, I asked myself, "Why did Elohim take you, and not me?"

Then Antonia came, and part of you returned with her.

When she grows up, she shall know about you, and how you died for your country.

I miss you.

I wish you could come back.

But I guess you can't, can you?

Life of life eternal, and all that…

If there is life after death, I hope I will meet you there again.

Abby misses you too. She told us she was in mourning clothes, but we could not tell the difference between her mourning clothes and the clothes she normally wears.

McGee misses being called Probie, I think.

Gibbs misses head-slapping you, and O'Connell gets really annoyed when Gibbs does it to him.

I guess that is the difference between the two of you.

You could (only just) take authority. Declan hates being told what to do.

I guess that is why he dislikes me so much. Opposites attract? He was an ISS assassin, I Mossad. He hates authority; I disliked it at first also.

It still seems strange, coming into work, sitting down at my desk, looking up and not looking at you.

I'll never replace you.

There will only ever be one "Daddy" to Antonia.

I bet you never thought that the 'tough Mossad assassin ninja-butt-kicking chick' would ever be crying over you, would you?

I miss you.

I can never, ever tell you just how much I miss you, and if you were here now, you wouldn't believe it, I can tell you that at least.

I don't know why, but I have kept the piece from the newspaper about you. It is on the wall, a final memory.

Abby helped me find photos of you.

McGee found the frames.

There is a wall covered in photographs of you, and of me and Antonia.

A family?

A family… with one missing.

I wish you could come back.

Some days I might wake up, thinking that it was all a bad dream, and then reality hits me like a hammer.

You're gone.

And you aren't coming back.

I miss you.

I love you.

Why did you have to go?

Why did you have to leave me?

**Love,**

**Ziva.**

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A/N: So? What did you think? Any good? It went on for a bit… I got a little stuck for words… Please review!**_


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